This Is Me, Thinking Too Much

So currently, I am sitting here on the floor, with a laptop on my legs, in my best friend's room. I have "You Make My Dreams Come True" blaring on my ipod while I'm texting John, and Kayla is ripping up notes between her and her old acting friends.

It's quite a solemn mood.

We haven't hung out alone in while- she has all these dance competitions and we've been double dating a lot- so this is the first time in a few weeks. I wouldn't say it's awkward exactly, but we just don't have anything to say it seems like. She's had a lot of pain in her life, especially the last three years or so. And I wish I could say that I was completely supportive throughout everything, but sadly I have to admit that I was part of the problem for a good bit last year.

She just read this and disagreed, but she's always been too forgiving. A minor flaw in retrospect.

We were talking about driving a little while ago, because she's already sixteen and my birthday is Tuesday. I can't wait to drive. The freedom, the independence, even the added responsibilities sound appealing to me. I want to get a job, I want to work and make my own money. And I know that once that happens life will never be the same. I'll have a lot less free time and there will be days where I'm wishing I could be a kid again. But this isn't one of those "I just wanna grow up and get away" things. I know what to expect, life will get hard. I'm ready for that.

If I could drive, I wouldn't have to spend my days off from school at home because everyone's parents have to work. I could drive over to my friend's house and pick them up. If I could drive, I wouldn't have to rely on my parents to get me places on time and being agree with them for being too early or too late. I'm ready to start being less co-dependent. Now, that doesn't mean I'm ready to start doing my own laundry every week...these things take time.

But despite all the perks of driving, the actually action of it scares me. I imagine getting behind the wheel and on to a highway. Merging with other drivers, reading the speed signs, not underestimating the amount of space I need to make a turn. Once I'm in that car and in control, I'll fully responsible for my well being. I could easily get into an accident. I've never driven; I would have no idea how to avoid a collision. I'll follow the laws and not run a red light for go too above the speed limit, I know that. But what about everyone else? So many times I've seen my mom swerve or something to avoid hitting another acre. i never paid much attention to it because i knew she knew what she was doing. But I don't, what if I can't react fast enough?

Blah. It's getting late. I think too much.

Whatever happens with driving, or my future, or anything, I wanna be prepared. And I guess the only way to do that is to go out into the world and start experiencing it.  

Track Meets on a Friday Night? Absolutey.

So, I run track.

I am really bad at it.

Like, I could be good I guess if I wanted, but I am EXTREMELY LAZY. I hate running, and I hate working out, and I hate the track meets; especially the gun that goes off before every race. It scares the crap out of me.

You're probably thinking, "then why the hell are you running track if you hate it so much?" Well obnoxious reader, my mom forced me to do it last year as a freshman, and I got really close to my friend Bridget. So I did it again this year to hang out with her. She's slow too, so we go well together :)

Anyway, I just wanted to post this because I had a track meet yesterday and I came in first in my 400 (quarter mile, for whoever doesn't know) :D Like, I won. I couldn't believe it. When I passed my mom as I was coming around the final turn and saw that I was 50m ahead of the second place girl, I made a face that literally looked like :D. I am like ecstatic even now. I NEVER thought I'd win any race, it's like the best feeling ever. I had an incredibly crappy week and this is just what I needed.

It almost made not being able to hang out with my boyfriend on a Friday night worth it :(